i’ve been talking a lot lately with my girlfriends (and some dudes too) about masturbation, double clicking your mouse, clam bake for one, tiptoe through the twolips, polishing the nugget…whatever you want to call it, but i’m specifically referencing female masturbation here!
see, us girls/ladies/women, are raised to keep our lips sealed about that sort of thing (no punany intended…okay, i’ll stop now). guys are always somehow allowed to feel way more at ease about their sexuality, like it’s funny and fun even! i remember in junior high/high school when the guys in my class started referencing ‘jackin’ off’ or ‘rubbin one out’ and they would all guffaw in front of each other, girls, you name it. but never did one of the girls pipe up and say, ‘oh yeah, i was taking a bath last night and the water from the faucet…’ or ‘hey, my jeans are kinda tight and if i sit just right the seam feels niiize!‘ nope, instead we just sort of giggle along with the guys and silently wonder, ‘am i the only one who sometimes humps my hands and likes it?’
i started humping stuffed animals when i was really young. maybe around two years old even. of course i had no idea what i was doing, all i knew is that it felt good! i was so unaware that i would sometimes take to humping couch arms in front of the company, i think i even tried to straddle someone’s head once…oopsie! thankfully my parents never made me feel dirty about it, they would just snicker and get me to stop by distracting me with something else. as avid of a humper as i was, i still reached an age where i realized that it was socially unacceptable. it seemed so socially unacceptable for girls that i even started feeling guilty about my urges in high school. how f’d up is that?! guys get to smack five over a good monkey spanking or even host a circle jerk and girls don’t ever murmer a word about it.
my opinion is this: ladies, it’s okay to strum the banjo! there is nothing to be ashamed of and i think it’s a really important part of discovering and claiming your own sexuality. we’re complicated enough so you need to get to know yourself and it will only make your life and relationships that much richer! and i’m talkin’ find what feels good to you! not what guys think is hot or sexy or what you think you’re supposed to be doing. it’s your personal time so it should only be about what tickles your fancy. i think women need to band together and not be ashamed or embarassed to talk openly about masturbation, especially as you’re growing up and cuming into your own…jeez, there i go again!
but for reals, the only thing i ever harmed in all my youthful days of humping was around 50 stuffed animals, whom i smushed to death under my enthusiastic horizontal hula dancing.
footnote: when researching slang terms for female masturbation, there (of course) are so many more terms for male masturbation! let’s come up with more ladies!
thoughts on any or all of this are very welcome!
xo and a hump – kate